but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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