my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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