I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
