Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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