I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
