I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
