we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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