He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
