I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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