I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize