exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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