Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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