I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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