Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need water and some morals
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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