My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
