wakey wakey hands off snakey
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
