sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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