Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
