PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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