he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you made out with another girl for some wings
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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