it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
