Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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