Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
