Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
