i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
