omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
