i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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