Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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