Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
