Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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