Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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