Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
