he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
