dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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