Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
