Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
