i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize