I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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