Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
