I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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