oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
