I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
