I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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