You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize