i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
