btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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