The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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