also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
