I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
