Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
