if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
