I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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