On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
