Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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