I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
