roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
