I can tuck mytits in my pants
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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