Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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