"it" just moved
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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