I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
