toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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