every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
