her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
