ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize