Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
