It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
