Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
