He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
