is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
