Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
