He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize