I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
